writing 2.17.09

Being a lady, and an avid water drinker, I tend to spend more than my fair share of time in our (horrible) bathroom at work. I’ve taken to doing a little census of the bathrooms up in these parts, and I’m pretty sure the bathroom closest to my desk is the worst in the whole agency. We don’t have complimentary mouthwash or lotion like the one on 16, a seat in the sitting room portion of the bathroom like the one on 10, or flowers like the one on 9. I know all this might sound trite and trivial, but when you spend 10-14 hours a day at work, a bad bathroom experience takes its toll.

For instance, we have signs on the back of our stall doors that say verbatim: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If that sentiment alone doesn’t grate against you like a thousand nails on a chalk board let me go on to say that this bathroom is always peppered with the smells I can only imagine would be more at home in the high school mens room. And the toilet paper situation is either one of the two: scarce like jobs in advertising, or overflowing and on the floor looking like crepe paper after a high school dance in the 50s– there is never an in between. Ever.

So, now that I’ve painted a picture for you, imagine my delight today when I walked into a bathroom that was full for all but two stalls. I walked to the handicap one (its roomier, ya know) walked in, went to close the door and realized there was NO door there! I instantly fell into a fit of giggles but felt that I had to keep them silent, ‘cause I just don’t feel like a public, work bathroom is the place for a fit of said giggles. I found myself there, gasping for air and an even more urgent need to pee. I made my way across to the other empty stall and literally couldn’t hold in my giggles as a slew of questions came to me: how long has that stall been without a door? Why hadn’t I noticed? What about the handicap people? What are they to do once they make it in through the two (very heavy and locked) doors? Was I the only person that walked in there and THEN realized there was no door? And really, honestly, is this happening?

So after I calmed down, washed my hands and returned to my desk, I relayed this whole story to my art director who didn’t think it was nearly as funny – but come on, its funny – riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight? I mean, the handicap stall is handicapped…I mean its almost as good as a poop joke.

Our bathroom officially wins worst, EVA.